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Talking to Your Partner About Getting Tested
If you’re sexually active, it’s important to get tested for sexually transmitted diseases (STDs). Planned Parenthood, in fact, recommends getting tested at least once a year, as well as any time you have unprotected sex. While you can be sure that you’re sticking to this plan, you can’t always guarantee the same for your partner(s). Sometimes we find these conversations a little tricky, but hopefully this article will give you the confidence to start a discussion with your partner!
First Things First
The best way to reduce your risk of getting an STD in the first place is to use protection. Condoms (whether internal or external—sometimes known as “female” or “male”) are the only method of contraception that protect against unplanned pregnancy as well as STDs. You can buy them from many different stores, but health centers may offer them to you for free. Perhaps you could ask your health care provider for more details when you go to get tested (hint, hint)!
Many people prefer to get tested with someone else as it can make them feel more relaxed. You could even turn it into a date.
Why Talking to Your Partner Is So Important
Talking about STDs with a partner can often be a struggle because it can feel like an accusation. “There’s kind of a feeling of not trusting the person by asking,” says Ben, 19, of Rochester, NY. But this doesn’t have to be the case. Asking your partner about their STD status means that you’re taking responsibility for your health. While you may feel a little embarrassed, you shouldn’t let this prevent you from starting the conversation. Communication is vital in a healthy relationship!
In some ways (but definitely not all), your partner’s sexual history affects you too. If they have an STD, you need to know about it sooner rather than later. STDs often present with no symptoms, which means that you can have one without realizing it. This can lead to you accidentally infecting others and health complications in the future. Getting tested regularly can avoid this.
Plus, many of us may be relying on our partner(s) to know their STD status. Mads, 18, of Dallas, says that she’s “never talked about STDs with any partner.” While many people are trusting their partners to take care of their sexual health, it’s not an effective way of guaranteeing that they’re STD-free. The only way to guarantee this is to get tested by a healthcare professional.
Bringing It Up
Asking your partner about the last time they got tested may not be the most fun conversation, but it also doesn’t have to be awkward. Miles, 20, of Portland, OR, suggests “creating a safe, judgment-free space” in which you can talk openly about your sexual history and getting tested. If you think it would help, you could suggest getting tested together. Many people prefer to get tested with someone else as it can make them feel more relaxed. You could even turn it into a date. “I like to suggest we take a walk to the clinic and get lunch or something after, so it feels less like a chore and more like a fun relationship milestone we get to complete together,” suggests Taylor, 18, from Washington, DC. If you do plan on making a day of it, then it’s worth finding out where your nearest sexual health clinic is so that you can plan the rest of your day around it. Use the Sex, Etc. clinic finder to help at
Finally, remember that when talking to your partner, you have nothing to be embarrassed about. Your sexual health is important, and you should always feel you can discuss it. Try to stay calm, and remember that you’re being responsible about your health. Even if you do test positive for an STD, it’s great that you went to the clinic so that you can get the treatment you need!
*Eleanor Pearson is a contributor from England.
*For more about talking to your partner about sex and sexual health, read “Talking About Sex With a Partner Doesn’t Have to Be Scary.”
