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I have a crush on someone who’s the same sex as me, and we fooled around. Am I lesbian, gay or bisexual?

It’s impossible for another person to know whether you’re gay, lesbian or bisexual based on one “crush” or sexual behavior. During the teen years and young adulthood, many people struggle to discover who they are and that includes trying to figure out whether they’re lesbian, gay, heterosexual or bisexual. At some point or another, almost everyone questions their sexual orientation; it’s part of determining who you are.

Some people have sexual experiences with people of the same sex when they are young and that’s perfectly OK. This is actually quite common. Also, many teens and adults have sexual thoughts or fantasies about people of the same sex without necessarily being gay, lesbian or bisexual. Sexual behaviors and fantasies don’t determine orientation. Your feelings about other people, attractions and reactions to those feelings and attractions are what can help you define your orientation when you’re ready.

It can be very stressful to feel like you have to label yourself when you’re really not sure. Give yourself time to figure out how you feel toward different people and in different situations. If your feelings continue to worry you, see a counselor or other professional who can help you sort things out. Or call the National Gay and Lesbian Hotline at 1-800-246-PRIDE (7743), Monday through Friday from 4 p.m. to midnight Eastern time and Saturday from noon to 5 p.m. Eastern time.

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