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Cuffing Season Confusion: What to Do
One month, you open your feed to TikToks about “Hot Girl Summer” and solo vacation photo dumps. Next thing you know, it’s littered with “cuffing season” couples in matching Halloween costumes and holiday PJs. It’s so confusing!
What is cuffing season, you may ask? Well, as the fall approaches, there’s often a focus on getting “cuffed” to someone and into an exclusive relationship. This is a change from the summer, when more casual relationships often seem to be the focus.
Why does this happen? How do you make sense of dating and relationships when the world around you keeps hopping onto new trends? There’s a lot more that goes into it than you might think. Understanding can help you make sense of how you feel and decide what to do next!
Social Media Pressure
Once November rolls around, it seems all you hear about is the new couple of the week. Don’t get me wrong, there can be excitement and happiness to cuffing season—whether it’s being in a relationship yourself or smiling at a couple’s social media post. But it can also make others feel left out. In fact, many teens are left wondering, “Am I the only single one out there?”
Social media is a big factor. “All the winter photos of someone cuddled up with their partner on the couch when it’s cold out or shopping for a significant other’s Christmas present can make people feel more lonely and long for a relationship,” says LJ (they/them), 16, of Reston, VA. It can be easy to assume you’re missing out. But sometimes these posts aren’t telling the whole story.
“People want someone to spend the holiday with in order to achieve this ‘perfect world’ that’s often shown on social media,” says Evan (he/him), 18, of Marlton, NJ. “Social media does a good job at showing a fake reality and people buy into it. They can feel though they’re lacking something, when in reality, it could just be their choice (not to be coupled up).”
Evan makes a great point. At the end of the day, it should be your feelings that influence your relationships, not what you see online. That doesn’t mean that it isn’t hard. Try to remember that social media and what you see from your peers can be one-sided.
At the end of the day, it should be your feelings that influence your relationships, not what you see online.
A Bit of Science
Believe it or not, cuffing season has some science behind it. What’s happening inside our brains can sway how we view relationships.
Of course, the weather depends on where you live, but often during the summer there are more sunny and warm days. The days are also longer, meaning increased exposure to daylight, which can lead to better moods and higher energy. Sunlight can boost serotonin, a naturally occurring chemical in our brains which can lead to feelings of happiness and calmness.
But as the sun starts setting earlier and we pull out winter jackets to combat the cold, this happy hormone tends to fade. We begin to crave more comfort and warmth, and one way to get that is by having a significant other to snuggle up with.
To Cuff or Not to Cuff?
Wanting someone to spend the holidays with isn’t inherently bad. In fact, it’s a hope that a lot of people have. However, getting into a relationship just to have someone isn’t a great idea.
Sometimes these relationships are short-lived. “I think that people often get together with someone in November and then break it off before Valentine’s Day,” says LJ. “I don’t feel pressured by this…I’ve had two relationships (but) I haven’t been interested in dating in a little while.”
LJ recognizes that dating isn’t the right fit for them right now, despite seeing others get cuffed. They’ve prioritized where they’re at with dating and haven’t let others’ actions sway them.
Making the Choice
So…how can you tell whether to “cuff” or not? It can be difficult to separate your desire to be in a relationship from how you actually feel about a potential partner.
Here are some steps that may be helpful for you to decide!
1. Don’t let others pressure you
Many people don’t have partners over the winter, and that’s OK, of course! Even though couple activities can seem fun, you shouldn’t have to scramble to find someone because it feels like others are. What you see online and hear at school is only a small portion of the big picture. There are more happily single people than you may think!
2. Evaluate current relationships
It’s important not to let cuffing season take over. For romantic relationships that form around the holidays, asking yourself questions can tell you a lot. Questions as blunt as “Do I really like them?” or “Would I be with them in any season?” can help determine if you truly have a connection or may just like the idea of being “cuffed” for the winter.
3. Set boundaries from the start
We recommend avoiding a relationship solely to have someone to spend the winter months with. While it may seem harmless, especially if you’re on the same page, it can be easy to get attached and unintentionally hurt each other. A good way to prevent this is to keep checking in. Communicate about your intentions behind being in a relationship, and be honest if this changes.
4. Build a life outside of a romantic relationship
Guess what? Most of the couple activities you see you can do with your friends too! You can go ice-skating, have a holiday moviethon or even get matching PJs with a friend group. Even if you are in a romantic relationship, activities with friends help avoid overly relying on that connection. It’s important to remember that romantic relationships aren’t the only type that can bring us comfort as the colder months set in.
Whether you’re ready to cozy up for cuffing season or already counting down to “Hot Girl Summer,” it’s important to remember that these are just trends. They’ll change month by month, but your wants and needs don’t have to!
How you approach relationships is your call. Try not to be overly influenced by pressure from social media or peers. Cuffed or uncuffed this season, what’s important is that you’re doing what feels right for you.
