It’s been good hanging out lately, and it seems like things are headed toward us having sex. Before things go any further, you should know that I have herpes. I don’t know how much you know about herpes, but it’s a virus so it’s not curable. I know this is a lot to take in, but I wanted you to know sooner than later.

I don’t know if you’ve been tested, but if not, you should be tested, too. I’d be happy to go to the clinic with you. We can find local, free or low-cost clinics on Sexetc.org.

I’m talking to you about this, because I don’t want to pass herpes to you. If we’re honest with each other about whether we’ve had STDs, we can both stay healthy. It’s important that if we have sex, we practice safer sex by using condoms and/or dental dams. Maybe we can talk to my doctor together about ways to prevent transmission. What do you think?

(There’s no way to know how your partner will react to this news, so be ready to give him or her some time and space to absorb what you said. It’s likely your partner will have questions, so it’s a good idea to have more information to share with him or her about herpes. Get more info on STDs on Sexetc.org or visit ASHA.org for more information on the transmission and treatment of herpes.)

It’s been good hanging out lately, and it seems like things are headed toward us having sex. Before things go any further, you should know that I have HIV.

I know this is a lot to take in, but I wanted you to know sooner than later. I’m being treated by my doctor so I stay healthy. Obviously, I don’t want to pass HIV on to you. I understand if you just need some time to absorb this.

(This may be as far as the initial conversation goes as your partner takes in this news. There’s no way to know how your partner will react to this news, so be ready to give him or her some time and space to absorb what you said. It’s likely your partner will have questions, so it’s a good idea to have more information to share with him or her about HIV. Get more info on STDs on Sexetc.org or visit ASHA.org for more information on the transmission and treatment of HIV.)

(Later conversations could include the following.)

There are couples with one partner who is HIV positive and one who is not. If we consider having sex, it’s important that you get tested and know your status and we practice safer sex by using condoms and/or dental dams. Maybe we can talk to my doctor together about ways to prevent transmission. What do you think?

You know how I went to the clinic the other day? Well, I got tested for STDs, and I have _____.

I know this is a surprise. I’m telling you because I care about you and wanted you to know as soon as possible. I’m already getting treated, and I want you to get treated as soon as possible if you test positive. I know this is a lot to take in. I’m here if you want to talk more.

It’s likely your partner will have questions, so it’s a good idea to have more information to share with him or her about the STD. Get more info on STDs on Sexetc.org or visit ASHA.org for more information on the transmission and treatment of specific STDs. STDs like herpes and HIV are chronic. This means they will never go away, which means you may want to have a slightly different conversation with your partner if that’s the case. Keep in mind that by practicing safer sex with condoms or dental dams the risk of transmission can be greatly lowered.

I want us to both be safe, so let’s get tested for STDs together. Sometimes STDs have no symptoms, and I’d rather know for sure if one of us has an STD before we pass it on to each other.

I’ve looked into it, and it’s pretty simple to get tested at a local clinic. Plus, most clinics offer free or really cheap testing for HIV and other STDs. I figured we could look up a local clinic on Sexetc.org and make an appointment together. I know I’d definitely feel better going if we were together. What do you think?